You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
