For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize