it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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