I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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