I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
