So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize