Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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