bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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