I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
