Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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