I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
