And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
