Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
