Sry I called you an 8
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize