i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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