I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
