So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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