An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
