I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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