Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
