It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i came on her dog
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
