im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
This house was built for laser tag.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
