Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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