explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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