i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
