First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
