who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
