that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
