Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
