all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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