I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
