ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize