A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm going to jail i love you
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
