you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize