Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
