I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
