its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
