Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
