So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
