you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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