five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
