i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
