that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
