Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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