I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
