Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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