My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
