i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
is it fun? or sober?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
