I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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