he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
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