dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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