Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
