I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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