So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
