He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
