Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
