I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
