The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I am never drinking with the goths again.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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