I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
