The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Randomize
