Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
