Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
