its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
