Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
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