Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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