omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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