I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
