I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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