need another drink. this is the easiest way
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize